The Case of the Missing Goat

By Victoria Shipman

"Hi, itâs me again, Hank, unappreciated head of ranch security. Loper and Sally May came home yesterday with a new "pet" goat for little Alfred. Why did little Alfred even need a pet" He has me, doesnât he?

Besides goats are not smart and I can prove it. Loper had worked for days fixinâ a pen. He got food, straw for it a bed and water and everything a goat could want. He had fixed up a goat heaven then, wouldnât you know, while unloadinâ the little pet out of the truck, it got all scared and jumped over Loperâs head and ran off. Yelling and screaminâ and people running everywhere trying to get this little "darling" back in his pen that Loper had worked so hard to make nice for him. Loper never fussed over me like that. In all the fuss, the goat disappeared into the brush.

I wasnât going to help catch him but, being the guy I am, I got hot on his trail. It was easy to follow because of all the little pills he left behind. Then it got harder he was out of the yard and there werenât as many little goat pills. Then, to complicate things, Rip and Snort had heard all the yelling and figured out the little pet was out there on his own and they set out to find him. I, of course, got there just in time to save his silly neck from them although, Iâm not sure he deserved it. As I made my approach to capture him youâll never guess who else showed up. Good try, but it was Wallace and Junior the buzzards. Guess they had heard all the commotion and had come to clean up the scraps. I was about ready to let them have him. I didnât have time to worry about the clean up crew, I had to take care of Rip and Snort. As I got closer you could hear them talking to the goat about going to have supper with them. Only a goat could fall for that. As I reached them I told him to let him go, that there wasnât enough meat on him for both of them, that he was too scrawny. Rip challenged Snort to an arm wrestling match to see which one of them would eat him. This made the goat nervous, so nervous he didnât see my signal to run (see, more proof that goats are not smart). The coyote commotion was cut short when a skunk came up. Everyone held their breath and stayed still trying to keep from startling the stinky intruder. The buzzards didnât notice him and flew down to see what was going on, which scared the skunk and he sprayed everyone. The coyote brothers were right behind him and it made for a perfect escape.

I started chasing the goat and we made it to the house where everyone was so excited and yelling, then I realized they were yelling at me for chasing the goat. When they smelled skunk they really started yelling and running. The goat finally wised up and ran to his nice clean new pen with fresh straw and Loper locked the gate telling me to go away because I smelled like skunk. See, told you. Iâm unappreciated but thatâs part of the job when you work ranch security. Then little Alfred walked up and grinned at the new goat and me. He gave me a pat and said, "Good job Hank." Being head of ranch security isnât all bad.

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